How To Be Indie In 5 Simple Steps

  1. Hate Everything Everyone Else Likes (Even If You Secretly Like It) ”The 1975? They’re awful. The worst musicians in the world. How people can like them is actually sickening. Matt Healy is an abomination.” *listens to their entire album on Private on Spotify*  … I just don’t understand you people, at all.
  2. Own a Pair Of Doc Martens (And Sneer At Anyone Who Likes Nike Air Max)  Because nothing says ‘individual’ like wearing the same thing as everyone else, right? Sure, Doc Martens are comfy shoes. [After about 3 weeks of blisters and misery, that is] But how does someone’s choice in shoes affect your life remotely? It doesn’t. So shut up about how great your Docs are. No one cares. Likewise, if you like Nike Air Max and you want to spend your money on them, do it. Just don’t act like you’re better than me because you’ve done so.
  3. Pretend That Smoking Is Cool (Newsflash: It’s Not)  ”So what drew you to your boyfriend/girlfriend?” “Oh you know … they increase my risk of catching a life-threatening illness every time we hang out.” “Cute…” “Yeah…” … I’m hedging my bets that the majority of people who aren’t regular smokers but have smoked have done so in a socially engineered environment in which you felt pressured to try it. As a race, we’ve made smoking cool. It’s not. So stop it.
  4. Treat The Words Of Popular Publications As Gospel (*cough* NME *cough*)  I’m not saying that NME is a bad magazine. I’ve got a subscription, I routinely read it. It’s brought various artists to my attention… but in the same way that Religious Extremism is bad, people who regurgitate the opinions contained within such publications only appear ignorant and small minded. By all means like AM. By all means think it’s the best piece of music ever created. Just be sure that’s your opinion.
  5. Instagram Your Entire Life Ermagerd. Just been to a concert, had such a good time. Watching the entire thing through my phone screen. #lookatme #music #taste #good #fancyme. Ermagerd. Just had a cheeky Nandos #chicken #LOOK #FRIENDS #IHAVEFRIENDSLOOK Ermagerd just woke up and the sun is shining #sun #basicbiology #welldonecaptainobvious Emagerd I look gross in this photo #WHY #STOP #NO #HASHTAGSTOP